Travel ‘guides’ coming soon!

Just wanted to say that.

Another zzz before en route to Hawaii!

A few posts ago I wrote about the quarter life crisis because one Monday evening while I was at work, I suddenly felt stuck. I didn’t know why I was feeling that way so my research yielded that particular blog post.

My research didn’t stop with just google. That evening I also got a hold of two books: 

20 Something, 20 Everything By Christine Hassler

Midlife Crisis at 30 - By Macko & Rubin

Macko & Rubin’s book is amazing. At first I was like, I’m not 30 yet so why do I need this book? But what they talk about is very relevant and certainly those who are not 30 need to read this book to see what’s coming around the corner.

It’s also not one of those “step 1, do this” books because you know how much I hate how-to books. Instead, this book takes apart all of the sociological underpinings of our lives (relationships, relationships, marriage, divorce, etc.) and analyzes them to figure out what kind of lies we’ve been agreeing to all of our lives that have led up to this midlife crisis at 30. 

Some highlights include:

• We actually live according to the “Divorce Insurance Policy” thus affecting our relationships, views on marriage, even our careers 
• We’ve been told that we can Have It All and that Anything is Possible but when faced with the realities of male-dominated workplaces and juggling home and work, suddenly it feels like we can’t have it all. 
• There’s a new glass ceiling: it doesn’t allow women to have a life outside of the office if they want to get ahead and it keeps those who want to have a life with no work.
• We focus more on trying to be that successful business person that we don’t know how to forge real relationships and we end up with an identity based on our jobs, not who we really are.

What I’ve realized is that yes, I’m on the verge of starting a new job, with benefits, money and a change in lifestyle. But I don’t have a plan. I only recently started doing something with my money (I still need to do a ton more work) but I don’t actually have a financial plan. I also have no career goals. Sure I love research and I’m going to be doing that, but what do I want to do long term? Should I even have a career goal? (I hear a resounding YES). One of the mentors in the book even had an entire list of characteristics of what she looked for in a man and went out and looked for him (she was successful by the way).

I find that grad school, or really anything that lays out a plan for you is wonderful but it almost makes us lazy. We become okay with going along with the system and the well-laid out plan. We no longer need a plan or goals as they’re all pre-determined. But once all of that ends, we need to figure out what we really want. Sure goals and plans may change along the way but part of getting out of this crisis is understanding who you are, what you want, and how to get there.

Enter Hassler’s book, containing 69 exercises that asks some hard questions about yourself. I’m bringing this book to Hawaii with me. Nope, I’m not bringing chick lit this time. Instead I’m due for some hard core personal reflection. 

Tell you how it all goes later. 

I am no longer a student. 

*SIGH* 

Yes, I got myself a full time job.

I know, I should be more excited. Like screaming for joy. (Actually, I think that’s what my new boss thought I was doing when I put him on hold during the phone conversation in which he offered me the job. In reality, I was at work answering phones and a call came in. Apparently the world doesn’t care that I’m on an important phone call that’s about to change my life). 

So I am excited. And happy. And SOOO glad I am now employed at a ….*drum roll* think tank. Doesn’t that sound cool? Yeah, you can now tell everyone you read the blog of a girl who works at a think tank. I actually have friends who now use that line as bragging rights. 

Yes I have arrived. 

Wait, I’m a glass half empty person so of course I have some fears. 

For one, the regularity of a 9-to-5 job scares me. I haven’t done it in a while and it feels so grown up. Like I’m reverting back to what I was doing before and yet I feel so inferior all at the same time. Does that make any sense at all?

And I can on longer call myself a student. Gosh, I even keep all of my university student IDs in my wallet just so if anyone asks, I can whip it out and prove that I am still a student (but only because 1 doesn’t expire and the other one does…in 2014). I no longer have part time jobs and so I definitely can’t say I’m a student or that I just got out of school. And I can’t say “I just finished school recently” because that was more than 6 months ago. Is that still considered recent?

Side note: I went for an ultrasound recently and the lady asked if I had any children. And when I told her that I was neither married nor a mother, she looked super confused. So I certainly don’t look like a student anymore. *more sighs*

I hope that my getting employment will be encouraging to everyone out there who: (a) went back to school to pursue higher education and is now unemployed; (b) or just unemployed; (c) just graduated; (d) none of the above but still reads this blog - you are awesome just the same.

But…oh wait…I’m going to be doing research. Yup, that’s what think tanks do. So I guess I can still keep that student thing rolling….and rolling…

And before I head back to the real world, I’ll be visiting Hawaii for a much needed vacation. Disguised as a conference. Or the other way around. But yes I will be presenting in Hawaii to real people. 

And it’s great because I can say that I am indeed an independent scholar (for a think tank)! 

All of this means that I will be away from this blog for a while (well unless I’m blogging from Hawaii!) and that greater things are coming. 

At the beginning of the new year, Goop creator and writer more famously known as Gwyneth Paltrow claimed that she was starting 2012 with a cleanse. The system, called Clean is a 30 day detox cleanse ritual that is only a mere $400. I nearly fell over when I saw the price. This is literally only good for celebrities and people with lots of cash lying around. I am not one of these fortunate few. We’re in a recession (still).

There is hope and a ton of ways to detox, ranging from physicalactivities to things you injest that don’t cost $400 a month. So if you need to get bikini ready or rid your body of toxins keep reading.

Please note that I am not a doctor and what I write here should not be taken as medical advice. I personally do all of these things but results may vary so I take no responsibility for any adverse results.

1. Drink some (hot) water. Water in general is a good idea. Unfortunately we don’t drink the recommended 8 cups a day. And juice, milk, coffee or tea don’t count. Pure water is what you want because it’s the way to flush toxins out of your body.

Better yet try hot water. I know what you’re thinking, “But it’s summer soon” but hot water is known for it’s detoxification purposes. I sip it throughout the day.

Restaurant tip: Be like an old lady and ask for hot water instead of your usual beverage (or in addition to it). I like to ask for some lemon as well for extra detox and digestion purposes.

2. Olive oil - Malcolm Gladwell did an experiment with olive oil. Gwyneth Paltrow feeds her children a spoonful of cod oil every morning. These good fats are essential to the operation of a healthy body and yet we don’t include them in our body enough.

At my house, we pour olive oil over cooked veggies as they’re being plated. There is an ongoing debate on whether olive oil can be heated and I still stand on the ‘do not use’ side as olive oil can lose its good properties when heated. Instead we use grapeseed oil when cooking with oil.

Replacing the normal corn, vegetable or peanut oil you regularly use with olive and grapeseed will not only cut down on the amount of oil and fat you injest on a regular basis, but also add nutrients and essential fats to your diet.

If you are going to buy olive oil, opt for extra virgin, hard pressed olive oil that comes in a non-transparent glass. They usually come indark green or black glass bottles.

3. Enemas - This is going to gross you out so hopefully you’re not eating right now! Enemas are all the rage at the moment but they’ve been around for a lot longer. There is yet another debate about the benefits and frequencies of an enema but they sure as heck get rid of a lot of trash out of your body!

Basically enemas involve a toilet, a tube going into your bum and a bag/plastic container with warm coffee and water mixed together. A short one is done with a bag and takes around 5-10 minutes. The longer one takes about an hour.

I’m going to be honest: enemas feel totally odd but they are miracle workers. Of course, it must be done correctly and upon completion, you must take a variety of enzymes, vitamins and protein to supplement what came out. 

4. Dry brushing - I know, this sounds weird and reminds me of other dry-something techniques. I asked a sales person at Bath & Body Works the other day and she looked at me perplexed. I ended up grtting mineat the Body Shop on sale for $15.

I know it looks like a really big hairbrush or toiletbrush or pet hairbrush but it’s not. Dry brushing is based on the Chinese medical principles of pulse points, which can control nearly every part of your body. And they’re on your skin!

I usually do it before I shower because it’s also a great way to exfoliate. You start at your feet and work your way to your heart in long strokes. You can do circular motions for your stomach instead to aid digestion. You even do your back. Brush a few times until your skin is tingling or a bit red. Then shower and drink some water. For more info, check out this youtube video.

Draining the lymph nodes can also be done by certified massage therapists but this is a much cheaper option.

5. Hot yoga - I started hot yoga in January because I work right underneath a studio. I’ve always practiced yoga at home so I was pretty familiar with the poses. Most yoga studios have really goodintroductory deals so my first month was unlimited yoga for $40.

Most people including myself may be freaked out by being in a hot room. I’ve had my fair share of fainting spells and I certainly didn’t want to endanger myself. But once I went to my first class, all of my fears went away. As long as you don’t go when you’re sick orrecovering from some major sickness which can cause feeling faint (or during the first two days of your monthly) then you should be fine. It’s hot, you sweat a lot but you’re going at a pace that isslow and you hold poses rather than rush through them. And most instructors tell you to go into child’s pose if you feel faint and they also won’t push you to do anything you can’t handle.

Another note about hot yoga: drink water before, during and after. I usually try to get 6 regular mugs of water into me during the hour before yoga to hydrate. I also take water breaks during the class and then hydrate throughout the next few hours afterward. Not hydrating enough can actually make you bloated because if your body finds that you’re not consuming enough water, it will take water from whatever you’re eating and keep it in your body as a reserve. So the solution to bloating in this case is to actually drink more water. Also look to
replenish electrolytes and stay away from caffeine afterwards until you’re fully hydrated. Roobios tea (originated from South Africa) is a natural way to do this. Many yoga studios serve tea too. Coconut water is also another great alternative.

6. Spas. If you’re squimish about hot yoga, another awesome alternative are spas, specifically ones with water circuits. I’ve been to two and both were super fun for my friends and I. You basically go from a hot to cold water pool or sauna and then rest. And then you repeat it until you feel like you’ve enough detoxing for the day. Koreans do this on a regular basis to detox and it’s a great family activity (I’m serious).

7. Teas - A couple of types are really helpful for keeping you regular. Most of us know that green tea is great for this but also puerh tea. Certainly sounds weird I know but a lot of tea spots are selling them nowadays. It’s basically a type of black tea but it’s great for digestion. Many Chinese restaurants will give either puerhtea or Jasmine depending on how high class the place is. Both are excellent for digestion but moderation is the key. If you don’t like the taste, there are also many variations of puerh with things added in.  Happy detoxing!

Definition of an adult (aka the five milestones of adulthood): one who has completed school, left home, become financially independent, married and started a family. 

According to this New York Times article, which cites American and Canadian census and survey data respectively, in 1960, 77% of women and 65% of men passed all five milestones that define adulthood. Fast forward 40 years and this percentage decreased to 50% for women and less than 33% for men. A Canadian study found that a 30 year old in 2001 completed the same number of milestones as a 25 year old the early 1970s. 

Are we just lazy, indecisive or outright rebelling against the pre-set life milestones that every generation before us has set?

Yes, cultural and economic factors are at play but I think we also need to consider how we’re getting through our twenties.

Twenty-somethings are constantly traversing between the dialectic of “endless possibilities” and “limited opportunities”:

Endless Possibilities - We were told that the Baby Boomers were going to retire, leaving us with the amazing jobs. We are taught in school to not settle for the low-on-the-totem-pole job with the average salary. We are told that we are brilliant, constantly on the cusp of technological advancements that are redefining our lives and that because we can so easily adopt such changes, we can do anything. Travelling is cheaper, easier and faster. Getting a job is easier if done online than in the days of the typewriter. We have the choice of not marrying, not having children, not settling down if we can endure the possibility of social torment that comes with these choices (often there is no backlash). Heck, we can choose whoever we want to date and there aren’t any social stigmas that will prevent us from doing so. At the end of the day, we are told by our parents, teachers and friends that we are special and that the world is our oyster.

Then we reach the Limited Opportunities end of the spectrum. Suddenly, tuition for schooling (and more schooling at that) is sky high and there’s less government financial support, the housing market is so hot that you can’t afford anything, gas prices make buying a car seem like a dream (or riding a bike a reality), and people are actually getting married (or staying in serious relationships). Everyone can get online and get that dream job you want and with everyone moving around so much, it’s hard to keep track of friends, much less people you can travel with. Parents start to ask when you’re getting married because yes, they are imposing their own social and cultural expectations on you. You are told that you must achieve a certain standing in the company you’re working at or else you’ll stay at the bottom forever or you can’t reach it when you start a family. 

So what happens to you? 

Welcome to the Quarterlife Crisis. It’s like the second you reach 25, this crisis hits and it stays with you for about two years until you figure out what you want to do with your life. Or maybe you’re perfectly fine and 35 hits and you enter this phase. 

The British Psychological Study broke down the crisis into five phases (yeah everything has five stages apparently):

Phase 1 – A feeling of being trapped by your life choices. Feeling as though you are living your life on autopilot.
Phase 2 – A rising sense of “I’ve got to get out” and the feeling that you can change your life.
Phase 3 – Quitting the job or relationship or whatever else is making you feel trapped and embarking on a “time out” period where you try out new experiences to find out who you want to be.
Phase 4 – Rebuilding your life.
Phase 5 – Developing new commitments more attuned to your interests and aspirations.

(Source: New Scientist)

The irony of the Quarterlife Crisis is that those who want to reach adulthood (and hence achieve all five stages) are most likely to be affected. 

Can I be really morbid and say that if you don’t want to achieve full adulthood, we end up here basically where men become babies and women high achieving, productive individuals who can’t seem to find a good man. 

Okay, well maybe we won’t but I know many of you are nodding your head in agreement. 

There’s good news though. 

First, the Quarterlife crisis is a phase. The feelings of depression, insecurity and anxiety are real enough but with change comes clarity and hopefully some real joy. 

Second, the economy will improve and you may be able to burn the bridge that leads to the world of Limited Opportunities. Basically, it gets better if you keep working at it.

Third, figuring out what you want, who are you and where you want to be (and who you want to be with for that matter) are not inherently bad things. In fact, this is the perfect time to do it. Self reflection only stands to make us more self-aware and hence helps us better understand our desires and needs.

Fourth, there are A TON of people going through the exact same thing. I just texted two friends who I think are relatively happy in their careers and they say the same things to me about their lives. You are special, but you’re not the only one in the crowd.

Lastly, I hope change means adding things to your life. Better skills, more experiences, more mistakes, clarity, more friends, the list goes on. Take this time to try something new, get a support system going and think positively. Be thankful. Because there will always be another crisis in our lives (next stop: mid-life crisis!) and the better we are able to weather this storm, perhaps can prepare us to avoid or at least live through the next. 

Is the Hunger Games too violent?

One of my most beloved childhood authors, Kenneth Oppel, thinks so. In his op ed, “The Hunger Games is an appeal to our baser appetites” he argues that there is not enough parental disapproval and/or public debate about the glamorization of teen violence because reading is considered to be “such a good thing” in an age when all teenagers do is read text messages and Twitter feeds.

Does Oppel have a point? Absolutely. In a way what he says about teen violence in literature is sobering as I never really thought about how highly valued reading of a book is to the detriment of quality literature. However, I don’t think that literature is completely immune to public scrutiny. Certainly there was and still is much talk about the sexualized content in Twilight and the witchcraft use in Harry Potter. Both franchises have incredible amounts of violence and yes, there are cases of teens killing other teens. Moreover, all three sets of books use love stories as clever concealments that mask the violence, gore and darkness that lurk underneath.

To be honest when I first saw the trailer to The Hunger Games, I thought, “Why would anyone want to watch this movie? It’s like The Lord of the Flies all over again. Teens killing teens? That’s disgusting. This is the dumbest movie ever. I can’t believe Hollywood has come down to this level.” But once I read the book I thought differently. This is a story of a girl who is put in impossible situations. Yes, it questions our humanity and whether we can - if faced with a choice - kill our neighbour or another tribute. Katniss understood the inherent perversion in the Hunger Games but she survives not for herself but for others. Unfortunately the decision to kill harkens back to issues of genocide especially Rwanda in which the use of technology allowed for the racist slayings of more than 800,000 people. The worst part is that neighbours turned on each other. So I understand and recognize how important Oppel’s concerns are.

On the other hand, one of the main reasons why violence in our culture is so controversial is that often the perpetrators are not reprimanded for their actions. They suffer no consequences and often are rewarded for their cruelty. However, readers of The Hunger Games see firsthand how much emotional, physical and psychological suffering Katniss must endure as a result of experiences in the arena. The consequences of her actions are dire indeed and she never escapes them. None of the victors do. Some turn into substance abusers like Haymitch and the morphling users from District 6. Some like Annie Cresta suffer from mental illness. But the violence delivered and endured in the arena leaves permanent, life-changing marks.

But even knowing all of this is not enough. What I hope that Oppel – and the rest of us for that matter – would consider is not the overt violence that makes up The Hunger Games trilogy, but the poverty that plagues the districts, perpetrated by the Capitol and used as a weapon in a silent war to keep Panem citizens obedient.

Poverty, according to Gandhi is the greatest violence of all.

You need to look no further than the first pages of the Hunger Games to discover the abject poverty that is experienced by all of District 12. Read a little further and you discover that only men are privileged enough to work in the coal mines, that starving women prostitute themselves to the peacekeepers to stay alive, and that death from starvation is the norm. In our world, 1.4 billion people live in District 12 (and other district) conditions, with less than $2 a day to survive. Many of these individuals are women as unfortunately, poverty is intimately linked with gender inequality and gender violence.

Our response to The Hunger Games should not to be complacence with the violence displayed but more importantly, to take action against global poverty. We may not be able to stop wars but we can help others get out of poverty, if only one person at a time. After all, it is called the hunger games. 

I teach kids on the side and one of the main reasons why I wanted to do my PhD was to teach.

This week, I realized that there are a lot of people in my life who teach on the side as well. My friend just taught an entire CPR course on the weekend. Another might teach an accounting course at my alma mater in the summer. 

What I was crushed about when I found out I wasn’t going back to school in September wasn’t the rejection, but the possibility of never being able to teach.

And yet so many people I know have incorporated it into their lives. 

I don’t necessarily think my friends want to be teachers. Many of them work with me in admin or are accountants. Their regular jobs have very little teaching elements to them. Perhaps these teaching jobs are just side fun little projects. Either way, they’ve taught me a valuable lesson that we are more than we are paid for. 

I’ve met a lot of people who live and breathe work. Those people scare me off because many of them don’t have other hobbies or everything is associated with what they do for a living. But some of the most fascinating people I know have interests and hobbies and even other jobs that are completely unrelated to what they get paid to do. 

I’m not sure what my next steps are in terms of finding a teaching job. I obviously can’t teach CPR or accounting but maybe I’ll find a teaching job on the side so that I can fulfil my dream. Even if it means moonlighting as a teacher. 

In my past life, I’ve worked in the automotive industry and according to the book, Women Don’t Ask and a recent Time magazine article men are four times more likely to negotiate than women. Women don’t like to haggle and that’s why they don’t. It makes it harder to get a better deal and certainly to get out of that dreaded “discussion” (more like harassment) about buying extended warranty. 

I had a talk with a friend the other day and he said that women need to learn to walk away when buying a car. Don’t be afraid to get up and leave if the sales person treats you like dirt or thinks you’re stupid. Carrie Prejean did that on Larry King Live and as much as I think that Larry’s question wasn’t out of line, I commend her for getting up and leaving. 

I think that a lot of us, men and women, aren’t comfortable with the idea of walking away from something. Perhaps we were brought up to be polite and ask to be excused before getting up from the dinner table (after forcing down all the broccoli on our plates). Or maybe it’s a confidence issue. Either way, so many of us struggle with leaving behind lost dreams, failed relationships, bad relationships, rejections, failures and everything in between. I can’t even count the number of times I stayed in bad situations even though I knew I should have walked away. Sometimes I felt pressured to stay, sometimes I stayed hoping things were going to change. Sometimes it’s that we think that person is the best thing that happened to us and we can excuse how they treat us. Sometimes we think we have no other choice.

But we always have a choice. 

As I’m getting older, I’m very slowly learning to say “no” and “that’s not okay with me.” I am learning to leave all the crap that is past in the past so that I can move on. Yes, it might seem like the world is going to end if we’re not there anymore or that we’re going to lose something if we leave. But once you close that door, you realize that sun will still rise the next day and that you’ve gained so much more than freedom in the end.

There are so many things in life that are worth walking away from because it means walking into something that is worth staying for. Be courageous and walk away. Who knows what great things you’ll discover as a result? 

Whether you celebrate Easter or not, it’s a story not about the Easter bunny but about hope and the miracle of Jesus’ resurrection. 

Unfortunately so many people don’t feel hopeful nowadays. 

I have to say, it’s been a week since I found out that I am not going to school in September and the sobering reality of that truth still leaves a bit of sadness in my heart sometimes. During these times, I go back and trace my life, the decisions I’ve made in the past few years that have led me down this path. Funny thing is that even if the circumstances changed, I know that the loss I’ve experienced this past year will remain the same. 

You can’t escape the fact that with life brings problems, loss and sadness.

While I was going through my ‘dark days’, a friend of mine reminded me of one thing: to be thankful. I remember saying instinctively, “Yeah I am” but not really feeling like I wanted to be thankful. What was I really thankful for? 

I’m sure you can relate. There is so much suffering in our world, so much tragedy and trauma in our own lives and huge, seemingly unanswerable questions that drag us down into the lonely pit of sadness. 

Depression affects 121 million people worldwide according to the World Health Organization and is a leading cause of disability. When I read that, I was puzzled. Disability? But yeah, depression can be crippling…literally. So crippling in fact that it’s responsible for 850,000 suicides every year (of course, suicide is not disability). 

Unfortunately 80% of those who have depression are not treated. 

I am thankful that I grew up in a household that treats depression like a common cold: a part of life at times and that it will go away with treatment. Not that my family members were put in rehab or anything but we didn’t blame that person or try to brush it off. We just accepted the reality that this was happening. 

Maybe you’re experiencing depression or know someone who is. Treatment should include talking to a licensed professional and contrary to the stereotype, therapy doesn’t have to be expensive. Depression is nothing to be ashamed about because it affects so many people and I truly believe and I have seen, that you can get out of it. 

(Interestingly, depression is also linked to the digestive system. If you read Kris Carr’s “Crazy Sexy Diet” she talks about it. So a good diet and exercise can help with your mood and hence depression.)

I’m not a professional writing about this. I just realized that it’s much easier to fall apart, pity yourself for the crap in your life than to be thankful. But thanksgiving is actually the secret (in part) to happiness. If you don’t realize how blessed you are, what are you going to be happy about? 

So count your blessings and do it often. It might not be the treatment to get you or someone you know out of depression but it’s a sure way to keep those rain clouds at bay. 

Even though I’m no longer going back to school in September, I’ve decided I’m going to continue writing. Instead of focusing on my adventures in school (I will still occasionally talk about school stuff), I’m going to branch out and focus on the ‘student’ lifestyle aka doing things faster, cheaper and better (yes, I stole that from Maria Menounos). I’ve already written a ton on exercise, nutrition/food/health and other lovely things and I will be continuing that. 

I guess I’ll rename the blog at one point? No matter, I’m here to stay! Thanks for sticking with me!